Supporting Social-Emotional Development

Self-regulation (self-control) skills are one aspect of social-emotional development. Children start developing these skills during the first five years of life. Self-regulation includes a child’s ability to control their immediate urges and not act impulsively, manage emotions, and maintain focus and attention. There are ways to support the development of such skills at home:

• Managing Emotions

  • Help Build Their “Feeling Vocabulary”

    • Read books to your children. Point out emotions of the characters or have your child guess what a character may be feeling. Read books about specific emotions.
    • When your child is experiencing an emotion, name it for them, without judgement. Verbally praise them when they do name their feelings.

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    Teach By Example

    • Children often learn by the example of adults. Let your child hear and see you managing your emotions calmly by using good coping strategies.

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    Provide a Plan

    • When they are calm, talk to children about how to manage their feelings. “When you are frustrated, you can ask for help.” “When you are angry, you can take three big breaths and tell someone how you feel.”
    • Create a “calm down” area in the home where your child can go to take time to get control of their emotions. This is not a time out or punitive area, but a calming place. Consider putting calming activities in this area such as coloring, silly putty, books, as well as visual reminders about how to relax and become calm.

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    Temper Tantrums

    Even when providing the emotional supports listed above, tantrums are still likely to happen. They are a typical part of child development and commonly occur between the ages of 1 to 3. The following sites offer information about tantrum behavior and how to respond:

    • “Tantrums: Why They Happen and How to Respond”
    • “Small Children Have Big Feelings”

• Reducing Impulsivity: Increasing Self-Control

  • Cookie Monster Video About Self Control (Read the research about this video)
  • Play games such as “Red Light, Green Light,” and “Simon Says”
  • Regular physical activity can decreases hyperactivity and impulsivity
  • Read books about waiting:
    Waiting Is Not Easy!
    by Mo Willems

• Attention

  • • Limit the number of toys available to a child at one time to increase play time with one toy
    • Reading (developmentally appropriate) books to your child can increase their attention span
    • Reduce screen time. Games, television shows and apps are made to grab and keep your child’s attention. Too much overstimulation may make keeping attention on less stimulating activities more difficult.
      • Research on The Impact of Screen Time on Children 0-3 Years
      • The American Academy of Pediatrics Guidance on Screen Time and Children
      • The Impact of Screen time on Cognitive Development

In addition to self-regulation, social-emotional skills also involve social and play abilities needed to engage well with adults and peers.

• Social Skills

  • A child’s social development, the ability to interact with adults and children, is another critical aspect of a child’s development. Parents are their child’s first relationship and children learn about social skills through observing and interacting with their parents.

    In infants and toddlers, social development is observed in a child’s ability to smile and jointly engage with parents, take an interest in and copy the actions and language of others, and be affected by the emotions of parents and others around them. In preschool age children, social development is observed in a child’s ability to cooperate with other children, become increasingly aware of the emotions in others, express affection, and learn to self-soothe. Aspects of social skills that are important are empathy, friendships, and social problem solving.

    What are the developmental expectations for social skills and how can I support them?

    • PBS Kids – Social Skills
    • Tips on helping your child build social relationships (English, Spanish)
    • E-Books for children regarding social skills

• Play

  • Playing with your child is such an important way in which you can support the development of your child’s language (e.g. commenting, labeling, requesting), social skills (e.g. turn taking, sharing), imagination, and problem solving skills. Preschoolers learn best through play. Children at play are solving problems, creating, experimenting, thinking and learning all the time, which all support a child’s cognitive development. Playing with your child is also a great way to continue to build your loving relationship.

    How can I support my child’s play?

    • Make the Most of Playtime!
    • 10 Things Every Parent Should Know About Play (English) (Spanish)
    • Stages of play by age
    • What are good toys for young children?

The CDC provides information about what to expect in terms of social and emotional development by age.